The Unconscious Uncoupling Phenomenon

One of my Collaborative Divorce Process colleagues out of California, Jon Kramer, wrote a very interesting blog post about “conscious uncoupling” and the Collaborative Divorce Process (CDP).  In the post, he highlights that the CDP has always promoted “conscious uncoupling” before it became a trendy catchphrase, in that it facilitates thoughtful separation which preserves the best interests of the family.  In contrasting this with the traditional litigation approach, he offers the term “unconscious uncoupling”.

As a long time CDP practitioner, this term resonated with me as a compelling description of the couples I have encountered so often—those who allow their “uncoupling” or divorce proceedings to be dictated by the raw emotions of anger, bitterness, resentment, and sadness without stopping to consciously consider the ramifications.

Jon describes how as mental health professional, he seeks to step in at the crucial moment and highlight the gravity of the decision an “uncoupling” couple faces as to how they will proceed at the crucial moment.  This is what we need more of—so many people do not have a professional who will step in draw their attention to this distinction.  It is for this reason that we as attorneys, mediators, mental health professionals, financial neutrals, child specialists, and most importantly, families facing the need to pursue a course of action, must be educated in all the different options available.  We must continually push ourselves and prospective clients to work through the emotions and turmoil of the present moment to a more clear-headed, conscious approach which allows us to navigate the future and maintain the best interests of the family as a whole at the forefront.

I strongly encourage you to read Jon’s post (link here) for more of his perspective on CDP and how divorce affects the family.

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